Sunday, June 7, 2015

The Infinite Implicationistics of Pain

Chronic pain. Compressed nerves in arms.

It's hard to explain [succinctly] how this has effed up impacted my life for the past few years. 

Suffice it to say that I am highly motivated to Make and Do. 

Have not been able to. 

Have not been able to build, create, clean, carry, type, improve, open, overhaul, refurbish, write, draw, cook...the way I want to. 

Groceries are brought in by carrying only with right arm. Right arm is wearing out from compensating for left arm. 

My deck. Needs refurbishment. 

How to get the wood here? How to attach wood together with arms that don't work very well, or that scream at me when I make them work? 

Delivery. A small bit of wood. Wood costs $120. Delivery costs $150. Implicationistics. 

I am not able-bodied. I am single income and live alone. But I can afford to have wood delivered, if I forego something else. Many could not. I know this.

I also can not afford to hire someone to build it for me. So.

Delivery man, young guy about 25. 
I ask. "Can you take the wood to the back yard? I can't carry it." 

He is very kind. "I can only take it to the edge of your fence. Not into the yard. Rules and such." 

He works hard with his all-terrain forklift. It is raining hard. We are both soaking wet. He gets the wood 75% into my yard. 
Way past the edge of my fence. I nearly cry with appreciation. 

He is sweet.  I tell him he is awesome. I want to fill out a survey to tell everyone at Lowes how kind he is. 

Ahead of time, I learned about tools. Drills with torque adjustment compensate for lack of strength. 
So I drill everything. Things that should be hammered, I drill. Hammering hurts too much. 

Yesterday I threw caution to the wind. 

I dragged boards from the yard up the stairs to the deck. I figured out torque settings. I measured twice and cut once. Sometimes I measured four times and cut twice. 
I made this:

I have much more to do.  My pain was horrible last night.  I dreaded waking up.

But. I am alive.  I am not in complete agony.  So I thank the universe and wait until it is time to build again.

I accomplished something.


  1. My son crashed on a motorcycle and is paralyzed but still the chronic spinal pain exists. As a mom, I want to take the pain, but that doesn't work. Like you, he deals and looks forward to the next accomplishment. Always looking forward. Thanks for sharing, because I know for Jake, when people understand, it helps ease the pain. But not really.

  2. I am so proud to call you my Mom! You are the strongest woman I know. I will share this with people that I know have chronic pain.

  3. I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this too. Based on reading this one post, it sounds like we have quite a bit in common. And I know it's especially difficult to have chronic pain and/or a disability and be single. Do you think the NWP could host a Singles event? :) Here's my blog in case you're interested in reading my own journey living with this.

    It's nice to find a kindred spirit on CLMOOC, but I wish it wasn't for this reason. I was hoping to send you a private message regarding your blog post on this year's CLMOOC. Is that possible on Google Plus? Even after last year, I'm still trying to figure this stuff out.

  4. Thank you, Michelle, for reading. You can email me at, or private message me at G+.